Memo on Your Competitive Eating

I think competitive eating is absolutely disgusting. That’s right, I said it.

Just these last few years I can feel the Glutton Bowls, the Tour de Gorges, and the Krystal Square-offs of our country obscuring and delineating what it means to consume food today.

I can count on one hand the number of experiences I’ve had watching such competitions.

Over the summer, I went to a donut eating contest during Hot August Nights. The competitors ranged from a few zealous college students, a handful of goofy middle– aged amateurs (both male and female), and one gaunt homeless gentleman.

Upon the shrill of the referee’s whistle, bare hands shot down onto the table and shoveled donut after donut into every contestant’s mouth. It wasn’t until the third donut or so that many people couldn’t swallow the amount of food in their mouth, and each person’s face was reduced to a puffy, red-cheeked, overly exerted, and cherry-jelly saturated jumble of degradation.

I didn’t see the winner, I couldn’t stomach watching. I was actually surprised at my reaction; the whole afternoon had turned from fun and entertainment to shame and disgust.

So I came to wonder, who in the history of our country decided it was cool to stuff as much sustenance into our pie-holes in the shortest amount of time possible, and then call it a sport, or dare I say, fun?

I took it upon myself to find out.

Back to the Basics: DOs and DON’Ts of Healthy College Living

Ah yes, the beginning of fall semester. The time of year when our campus springs back to life, when Greek life recruitment is back in full force, and when naïve freshmen deluge our campus like floodwaters over Taipei.

If you’re anything like me, my physical fitness  and bank account usually peak at the end of summer, right before school begins. From there it’s all downhill as our waistbands broaden and our wallets pitifully shrivel into their former state of semesters past.

To assist you in accomplishing your goals, I have compiled an official Fall Semester List of Dos and Don’ts to keep your body, your pocketbooks, and your spirit right where you want them.